.a picture worth a thousand words.

twister... the bed cover...

.no fear.

i hate giving speeches... i hate, hate, hate giving speeches... but for my boy... one of the closest people in my life, ben c, who died march 17th... i said this in front of a packed church with 200 plus people before i helped him out one last time:

"it all began with 3 grandpas; our lolos:
mine, david g*****'s, and ben's in monument oaks.
constantly i would walk with my grandpa to the other side of the neighborhood
so that all of us could play together.
it was only natural we became friends.
we dubbed ourselves the "lolo" crew,
destined to be great friends forever.

my sorrow comes today from having to go on
without you, my dear friend...
never to manifest the memories we had hoped to create together.
however, i am not here to be sad;
i am here to cherish your life with all the people that you loved so dearly.
as best friends we learned the lessons of life, all of them, the hard way...
unfortunately, this will be the last and the hardest...

in being so close, we exchanged with each other pieces of our personalities.
we reflected each other so much that strangers would mistake us for brothers.
those pieces of myself have gone on with you, but the ones you've instilled in me
will keep you in my life until we meet in the next.

it's an honor to be someone special in ben's life, but i know that all of us will miss him equally.
i'll be here for you, my friend.
always and forever;
because we're lolos for life..."

my dedication page is underconstruction... link will be up when i'm finished...

.goin back to cali, to cali, to cali.

i staring at my laptop and it's diiiirty... there's no other word to describe it... just dirty... the fuck did i do to atract so much fucking "dirtyness."

anyway i'm serving the first part of my sentence here at the MCI airport in kansas city, missouri... they're doing construction on the inside so i got jackhammers and "hand me the shit" (whatever that means) in the background. i remember it being the same the last time i was here... which i've forgotten when that was.i travel so much it's a all a blur, recalling only where i can and cant smoke. show's you what's important to me, doesnt it?

i'm on my to san jose again to see vy. she thinks it's a pain for me to pack up and get on a cramped ass airplane like she feels. it's usually not bad for me, but this time i feel like crap. nothing's different about the way did things; i wonder why i feel so shitty? it's like my head wants to flop off my neck and roll into a corner.

during the duration of this trip, i hope to fulfill the goals i set out:

be a loving boyfriend while vy get's stressed out with finals.
make some decisions on our activities and get some respect.
show that i have some grains of self control over my penis and get some respect.
see chris at the LV airport on my way back.
and make this another awesome memory while getting some respect.

lol, you think there's a lot of love in my relationship? well there is, it's just that i lack the opportunity to gain some goddamn respect!

honestly, our relationship hasnt had the chance to flourish and this is the only time i get to improve my standings as the one who will dominate her heart.

dominate... i love that word...

/*note to self: work on points for driveby essay on airport security*/

.the dean.

"today was "super tuesday"; in case you didnt know, it's when california, connecticut, georgia, maryland, massachusetts, new york, ohio, rhode island and vermont hold their democratic primaries and has constantly been the foreshadow to the democratic nominee.

today's overall winner was senator john kerry, winning 9 out of the 10 states. now i have nothing against senator kerry who is a yale graduate, a decorated military officer who both served during and spoke out constantly about US involvement in vietnam to congress comittee hearing, and has been trusted with power in politics for more than 25 years.

but somehow this political titan lost his chance at a clean sweep. somehow he was unable to penetrate the closeness and respect that the people of vermont hold for former governor howard dean.

now that i'm registered to vote, i'm a bit upset on who to vote for. i dont like anyone of the people running for president and i just dont want to vote with my affiliated party. i wish dean had gotten the bid. he's evokes a genuine caring for the country and the people wish i feel was proven by the love from vermont and the pure excitment in his eyes when dean was the democratic front-runner at the beginning of the month.

you can find out more about dean and his plan, (which BTW kerry and edwards adopted after they found out what his views were),here. i hope that he runs again in the future.