i'm staring at my clock... i want to believe it's 5:18am, but i know it's not. the fact that the digital interface is flashing means that i've deprived it of correctness. also, the sun is coming up and light is beginning to stream in. light is over-rated.
"why am i up, god dammit?" i keep groaning to myself as i tumble across my bed. miscellaneous thoughts flow through my head at the speed of a nonchalant stray scouring for food. at one point i wondered what it would be like to make music again, then proceeded to remember that i sucked at that. sad times.
in all honesty, i know why i am awake. i'm waiting again... waiting for a sign. or maybe my heart cowers, denying that this waiting is s sign to move on. "moving on" isn't one of my best traits i'm afraid... well, i'm not too fond of movement, period. if there were a contest about who could stay still the longest, i'd win... unless i had coffee with an empty stomach again.
*cough* there's been a lot on my mind that i've wanted to write down. unfortunately, i've had my attention elsewhere. all i know is next month is going to be hard for me as i move into next half of my life. i am not looking forward to the coming months. actually, i lost my optimism a long time ago... along with a number of other things, like all the sucky music i made when my laptop caught on fire.
well, back to waiting.