.to the other side of the world.

I'm half an hour from boarding my flight to the homeland. I can't say that I'm feeling sheer joy, but I do plan to at least walk around a bit. As the lack of sleep deprives me from my true feelings, I am worried about my home and my woman... and a bit about the dog. Nothing gets me more anxious than being out of control of a situation.

I'd like to point out that this isn't a trust issue, it's a nervous issue. It's an issue with the chance that something stupid, for lack of a more general word, might happen and I would be helpless to attend to it. The "parenting" complex, I think it's called...

Well, here's to the next 20-something hours of being in transit...

.the revolving door.

i don't know what keeps drawing me back here. i come and i pick at the snippets at time gone by. i second guess and i critique my past life from the future like some monday morning sports commentator.

now that i think about it, it gives me comfort knowing that i was immature once. maybe i actually miss those days of invulnerability. back when i was more into... myself.

the world, my world, has become so big now that i lose myself staring upwards. my own life's become so small that i forget to even take care of myself. daily agendas and priorities take precedence to eating or a full night's sleep on many occasions. C.R.E.A.M.

there are times, like tonight, when i wish i could go back. even if i were to make the same choices and mistakes. even if i were to relive hardship and strife. i wish i could go back and just live.

the funny part about it is, is that i don't really miss the past, per se. i miss the experiences.

the more things change, the more they stay the same... 4am and i'm still up, after all these years.