.bird.

(This is long overdue)

You were an asshole. You had the personality traits of a grumpy old man: short tempered, obnoxiously loud spoken, and a serious lack of empathy. You made me bleed on multiple occasions, even while I was trying to be nice to you. If you were a person, I wouldn't even bother connecting with you on a social network.

But, that was before I got to know you.

And for a short period of time, we knew each other. I learned your mannerisms. You watched me intently and learned mine. I would sing and you would follow in your own tune. You responded and we communicated. Your intelligence shined past all... eh, most of the bratiness you exemplified. I was beginning to understand.

And then that period ended.

I cried that day, not because you were gone, but because we had just started. In an instant, I realized what our relationship was and it made me sad to see it cut short. Knowledge is the greatest gift and we were able to share with each other. You showed me that there are multiple ways of listening and I taught you that I fucking hated it when you bit me or when you squawked endlessly for no apparent reason at all.

Thank you for the time you spent with me. I will never forget you. Seriously, you gave me scars. They're permanent...

.rehash.

Yesterday it came out. Genuine. Pristine. Looking down the bottom of the barrel again, just as I had done a decade ago; I grinned ear to ear. I've been here before; my back to the wall with doom looming over...

"Nowhere left to run..." I thought.

The challenge, nay, the opportunity is here again. The plan has changed and is written out. Let the 808 reverberate my heart's desires to the world. I will not stray. I will not fail...

With my introspection complete again, the transit must continue.

.square.

Sam Adams, the second to worst beer i've ever had. I drank it all. I could feel the alcohol work on my body. The unrelenting machine that is my mind begins to subside, but it isn't enough. The thoughts are still there, expressed with rigorous passion in my solo karaoke night. Sappy sadness and regret belt off my walls in an attempt to drown the bleak. I close my eyes and i see hers. That soft brown pierces my heart. Her smile follows just behind, swooning me into a sixteen year old giggly shadow of my former self. Her lips move but they are incoherent. My fingers run through her hair, down her cheek. I am lost in her again...

The answers to me are known, but the tangible uncertainty remains. The weight alone holds me down. I want to forget, if only for moments. Holding the empty bottle, I realize that this is not the answer. A bandage for internal bleeding. A spare gas tank for a flat tire. A square trying to be a perfect circle...

 I am thinking of you...