.control model.

my father is of a dying breed in today's generation of political correctness. his authoritative, militiristic persona drives and what ultimitely governs the actions of myself and my direct family. all of us aim to please him, he's the figurehead of course, but his impotent personality and blunt nature push us farther apart.

tonight, for the um-teenth time in my life, my mother came to me and cried her weary eyes out. the same talk of leaving him; the same mumblings of unhappiness. as much as i understood her pain, this had been a routine i grew tired of even before i left for orlando. as she stuggled with stories and reasons of her malcontent, the same inserts of "i just walked away" and "i just didnt say anything" became repetative. i dont blame her for her lack of fight, but there's a place to draw the line; unfortunately, i feel that line was overlooked and left some years ago.

his inability to communicate-- his foreboding presence are part of a time when male dominance was still a very distinct part of the world's society. absent away from family for so long and away during the era of love and peace, i feel, have played into what now exist downstairs, naively watching TV as i analyze and leaving a doubtful spouse questioning. i dont know what may happen in the near future... he still has my respect as a man, but i am afraid of what may happen if personalities are truly genetic...

.somewhat relative title.

personal thought. set up. thoughts about situation.

bitch. bitch bitch bitch. bitch bitch bitch bitch.

whine. whine some more. whining.

insightful thought. bitch.

(sorry. silly mood. was asked what i write about in my journal.) ; ;

.way with words.

if you could've read what i did just a few minutes ago, you probably still wouldnt understand. she's like a beacon, an enduring hope. i'm so breathless right now, but the happy breathless^^. seriously, it's a feeling like this and a woman like her that makes know why the amount of sappy songs are infinite.